It Is Not Only A Wish To Have Been Born A Man... It Is A Regret To Be Born A Woman! By Joy Isi Bewaji

It is not only a wish to have been born a man... it is a regret to be born a woman.

A Nigerian woman.

A Caucasian handsome male wakes up and it is up to him to have a productive day, give or take the few setbacks he experiences on his way to work: an inconvenient queue at McDonald's that delays his pancakes, or traffic. All in all, his life is statightforward and easy to comprehend with clear directions on how productivity (maybe success) will come about.

As a woman - a black woman, it is never so easy.

Hair: You have to worry about your hair. What do you want your hair to look like? Locs, short, curly, braided or a dead Indian woman's hair sewn in?

Skin: Do I want to be black? Do I want to be very black or not too black? Do I want my black to be as black as a black butt or black as a thigh? Is it black "black" or black "not-so-black"? Should I tone? Bleach? Swallow a tab? Watch my skin burn under the sun to show my hate for this black?

Sex: Should you have sex? Should you not have sex? Will he love you afterwards? Will he marry you afterwards yada yudu? What does he think about the sex? Does it determine your worth? Will he brag about it? Will he be quiet? Does he want you to roll like a whore? Or should you just act like you aren't enjoying any of this? Act like you don't know a penis is supposed to be inserted in the vagina? Make a lousy sound of discomfort? Act like this is happening to you after a very long time?
(PS: I hear a particular tribe likes that shit... in determining whom to marry. Lol!)

Food: Should I cook? Should I not cook? Should I learn how to bake or fry? Beans or Ogi? Should I feed his friends? Feed his mother? Wakeup by 4am and prepare his meal?

Self Rot: Will he marry me based on my culinary magic? On the size of my butt? Will he wife me because I have a good job? Would it be for my pretty face? Does he like me fat or slim? Is it my humility? Knowing my place as a helper? Will he love me for being "god fearing"? What if I get close to his mother? What if I disown all my friends?

Fashion: Should I wear revealing clothes? Should I wear jigida? Lycra or chiffon? Heels or flat? Should I follow the trends? Can I wear ruby woo? Is he into natural looks? Will I rate higher if I care little for the things of the world.

And nothing she does is ever to satisfy who she is. (Black) Women wear the idiosyncrasy of every new lover they find. They live their entire lives without truly discovering self- what they really want. It's football this season because the new guy loves football. Then it's literature the next season. It's all the talk about the bible the season after. Then the money-is-not-everything sermon when they date a broke ass. Then the bashing of equality whilst dating a patriarchal lord.

They have to be accepted - by fire, by pretense.

And you continue to change into one ill-fitting costume after another. Until you are a mash of shit. Finally in the midst of your madness, you find your opinions bubbling like faeces from septic tank.

"If he sleeps with you, he will not marry you."

"I will scrub his bathroom and boxers so I will stand out from the other girls."

"A wise woman will marry first and continue her education later."

"Don't act like you know more than your man..."

And on and on and on... the life of dead ducks. This colossal wash-out remixed, like a Vic O track, to meet the depravity of every new generation ready to nod to it.

And when you reject this menial/degrading lifestyle, all the slaves will line up requesting an explanation on why you wish to be different, better. The cycle must continue. Don't you dare live a better life
I could have been a Caucasian dude, you know? I don't know what the hell happened during the course of my birth.
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