Let's say you have a goal - the goal is to build a bungalow; but first you need to confront a frenemy. You need 10 hours of your day to tell your boyfriend the story of that frenemy; then you have to call your "genuine" friends to talk about that frenemy. 6 hours gone. Then you sit on it, allow your mind to sautée the so-called "offence". Sometimes this offence is just a lousy assumption. When you are done telling everyone you need to tell about this insignificant matter, you launch an attack 10 hours later. You begin to feel like a star afterwards.
But truly you are a failure. Your distractions are what you live for.
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Have you ever had to work with a woman who is constantly bemoaning a relationship? She's in the office, but her mind is some place else. The most likely place to find that roaming mind would be inside a fairy tale story where love rescues her from herself.
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Have you ever had to work with a woman who is constantly bemoaning a relationship? She's in the office, but her mind is some place else. The most likely place to find that roaming mind would be inside a fairy tale story where love rescues her from herself.
If you dig further to unravel the mystery man taking so much of her time, he'd be most likely an average bloke trying to scrape his own dreams off the floors of Oworonsoki, not ready for anything serious except getting a steady income.
He's focused. She's not.
She can't perform her duties. Can't grow. Can't be genius at her job because she is always distracted by the fantasies of love and romance.
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Naija women are born to live distracted lives. Imagine when the average Nigerian mother starts badgering her daughters to cook and clear and sweep and mop and scrub and "look after your siblings"... this method of storing up so much in the barn of a, say, 12 year old girl is to prepare her for the future.
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Naija women are born to live distracted lives. Imagine when the average Nigerian mother starts badgering her daughters to cook and clear and sweep and mop and scrub and "look after your siblings"... this method of storing up so much in the barn of a, say, 12 year old girl is to prepare her for the future.
She isn't prepared for any future. She's only living a distracted life. She's studying but then she has to think of 10 other things she needs to do all the time.
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The first thing I did when I could have conversations with my kids, is teach them to focus.
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The first thing I did when I could have conversations with my kids, is teach them to focus.
Don't think of anything else when you read a book - especially a novel. Nothing else matters; take a journey into that story, live on the streets of that pages, shake hands with the characters, sit at dinner with them, feel their pain and joy and experience their world.
Forget everything else. The real world will still be here when you are done. Unwashed plates will not explode in the kitchen (I HATE unwashed plates though. Lol!).
But my point is, I want daughters who can be less distracted, with zero urge of fulfilling the mundane as they pursue the extraordinary.
Not many people tell young girls what is important and what is not. They pay attention to everything!
The pimple on their cheek gets as much attention as their exams.
And when they become women, they give as much attention to a mediocre love life as they give to their thriving careers.
Because we keep telling girls they have to excel in everything, they become masters of none.
Boys aren't badgered to be anything but successful. That's why I don't understand this cry-cry story of men these days. All you have been told to do is succeed. Success is hard, we get it; but you aren't being judged on anything else - not your weight, not your less than classy behaviour, not your inability to cook your own food or clean after you. Society even forgives you for not being a good dad; it's OK if you can't communicate with your kids. Your story of success is linear - have money.
But that's not the subject for the day.
Women continue to prove their distractions.
They say you have to settle down. OK time to look for a man.
They say you are fat. Time to lose weight.
They say you are too dark. Time to tone.
They say you are too tough. Time to fake a character.
They say you are not domesticated. Time to prove them wrong.
They say your life is sad. Time to make that instagram post at the swimming pool of Protea hotel.
They say you aren't beautiful. Time to get that latest filter or buy that concealer.
They say you are not winning. Time to show them that you a winner.
They say. They say. They say.
The distraction ploy women always fall for.
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My trick to distractions is simple - I don't attend to them.
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My trick to distractions is simple - I don't attend to them.
It's a trap. And I am no mouse. I ignore distractions. I am not in this world to make anyone feel good about themselves through decisions I make in my life.
If I were to pay attention to distractions, the latest one would be on "love relationships".
The question they ask is: how do you balance a good career with the man, supposedly, in your life?
My answer is simple: there's nothing to balance.
My greatest urge is to succeed at work. My energy moves towards that direction. Relationships are cute and all, but I get bored easily. Unless we are an adventurous pair travelling and always going out, and have a lot in common, there's every chance it won't last beyond a few weeks.
I sincerely cannot remember the last time I was in a relationship for an entire year. But I have spent many years alone.
That's not a sad thing to say. I fucking love my alone-ness.
To expect that a relationship could possibly affect my job would be the joke of the century. Or a sub can ever rattle my peace of mind, is hilarious.
I give distractions 5 minutes. I analyse them. I shrug. I move on.
E.g 1:
Distraction: This relationship isn't working, why?
My answer: I'm busy. He's busy. It's getting boring. That's OK. End of.
Distraction: This relationship isn't working, why?
My answer: I'm busy. He's busy. It's getting boring. That's OK. End of.
The habit of thinking, re-thinking, un-thinking; going back and forth on the situation is something I will not do. It's a distraction.
This is not to say you must always choose purpose. The ultimate goal is happiness. Identify your own happiness. What gets me up in the morning may be different from the next woman. My template shouldn't be yours too.
Identify what you live for. Identify your distractions. Put them in their rightful places. Clean your mind closet.