You want them to go because you need to focus on work, do things you like, and make money to take care of their needs. It's really all about them, else you'd be lounging in a cabin in Atlanta, writing a script for Mildred Okwo or Emem Isong; communicating via phone. Walking around half-naked, getting massage from a white lover. Drinking Starbucks on your way to the park for inspiration. Y'know?
But when it's time for them to go back to school, you're the one crying... and you're so grateful it is you crying and not them...and you are most grateful that the little one is the happiest of this bunch. Because if she was sad it'll break your heart. You know older sister is always fine. People like her are always fine because they exist in their own space and excel alone without the need for external validation.
But you, a part of you is so torn. You want them around. Yet you don't want them around. They let the lather dry on the tiles of the bathroom, you scream and begin to count down to the end of midterm. Midterm is over, but you want them to stay, but they can't because they have their own lives to live. Their own growing up to do.
You're going to fight the urge not to call the school everyday.
And all you can really do - like you've always done - is pray to God to make this growing up an exciting journey for them.
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