I Am Comfortable With People’s Anger, People’s Hate, People’s Joy "Says Joy Isi Bewaji"

My “Aha! Moment” happened a few years ago…

Never try to control people’s emotions.

I am comfortable with people’s anger, people’s hate, people’s joy.

Your success will thrill me, but I am not the one to jump up and down about it. I’ll be happy for you, the next minute I am thinking of something totally unrelated. If you are sad, I am not the one badgering you with love in your inbox. I could drop a comment, may be not.

 I will not come for your wedding, but trust me, I am a better friend than the one who buys your aso ebi. No. I will not even be in the picture at all. I am indifferent about everything that goes on in your life… unless your child is raped, then we would have to do something about it. May be even send you to jail for negligence.

You will never be surprised of what I am capable of (not) doing. You already have a good idea how uninterested I am about many things.
Why, this is a good thing, of course. I will not scheme your downfall or your shame, all the while acting like I love you more than you love
yourself. I will not patronize you. I will not lie to you. I will not cheat you of anything. Not even of your five minutes need for fame.

I will not stick around longer than is necessary. I will not pretend to care that you lost a boyfriend. I cannot find empathy for those things. People come and people go. You need to go and find your life and live it wholly. I will not even be there to watch you cry over a failed marriage. It’s not just the kind of thing I do. I will not act surprised that your lover is cheating. I will not respond to a stupid Facebook post dripping with sobs and subs and
dying for my attention. I like to watch people suffer in their own self importance.

I do not wish to be on any list of top-anything. I am not your favourite-anything. I am not your pal. I am not your person.

If you stop being a friend, by God, I will not be in your inbox asking questions. I will not call you. I will not try to win you back. You do not exist. Sincerely. I am quite the narcissist. If you ask me questions I think are utterly stupid, it will rot without a response.

I will forget that you lost a loved one, and I will ask about them every time I ask about you. I just don’t remember a lot of things.

My brain is compartmentalized in three parts: My job/money. My children. My Wellbeing.

I don’t have a compartment for friends. I haven’t seen Prisca this year. I don’t think I will. I am busy. But I know she is fine. We talk. I ask about her son, she asks about my daughters. If I see a
picture of her hanging with some of the people who will choke when they call my name, it will mean nothing to me. I will not think about it beyond a few minutes.

I am yet to talk to Temidayo about my lovely diss cake, yet she has defended me from one end of the earth to the other. We will never talk
about it. It doesn’t count. Neither would we talk about the other hullabaloo. Yet she stands with me. I haven’t even thanked her yet for all those mind-blowing articles she wrote on my behalf. Our inbox life is as dry as living in the desert. We don't talk about people. We don't talk at all. I like it that way. Familiarity is a terrible thing.

I don’t remember birthdays and I am cool with that. I don’t remember you. Whoever you are. But I can assure you that when I see your random ignorant/hate comment, I remember your name for a few minutes. That’s
about as much attention you will ever get from me.

I am always thinking about my children. Always. When I meet other children, I fix their faces in, and think about them some more. When they grow up, I will let them fly. And I will move on.

I am very hardworking. I can multi-task at work. I love work. I love busy that gets paid.

But I am a lazy friend and acquaintance. I will not try to make you like me. I will not sell my good points. I will not exaggerate my affection. I will do absolutely nothing to earn your love. You will have to do all that work by yourself. And vice versa. I will not rely on your control or manipulations to build my emotional confidences.

I cringe at people who over-celebrate others, over-friend others. There’s something odd about it. Something sinister.

I don’t take people seriously. Period.

I have seen people move from extreme love to extreme hate in seconds. Not at any of their extremes did I take them seriously. Your love and your hate nourishes and dries your own bones. Not mine.

I focus on happiness. The question is: does this make me happy? If the answer is yes, then I’ll invest in it. If it is no, then it ceases to exist.

If I join you to fight a cause, it shouldn’t be seen as an attempt to be your friend. I will not contact you afterwards. The job has been done. Return to status quo.

I don’t hate people. I just don’t give a shit.

You don’t matter. If you see me face-to-face (which some of you have), you will know that, as I look through you, you do not matter.

I am not looking to belong to any girl group. Life is not SWV. My ambition is to be independent in every way possible. I am still in search of that friendship that can thrive in absolute silence, sitting across at a coffee shop, yet not feeling uncomfortable or the need to rant.

I have curbed my only addiction – garri and groundnut for supper. I tried keto diet, it gave me rashes. I went back to eating eba.

What am I saying? Life is simple. 40 is approaching. Yoruba men have shown me love. It is to their credit I look this good. 

Written By Joy Isi Bewaji

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