I hear that some FIFA certified enemies of state, and my former friends turned tormentors have ganged up to take away my joy and to destroy my well earned peace of mind.
They colluded with a rogue referee and his wickedness clothed colleague to remove the most able defender of my beautiful team and reduce my darling Gunners to a most humiliating defeat.
These former friends holding knives behind my back include the unfair Godwin Dudu-Orumen, unkind Okon Iyanam, mean George Eze-Emeghara, wicked Chris Adetayo, corrosive Tony Omorogie, devious Ochereome Nnanna and terrible Victor Adenrele Banjo.
Others are destructive Emma Emeka Anyagwa, furious Eno George Ufot, iniquitous Tajudeen Adigun, horrible Emma Sowho, and no less, their blasphemous priest, Babatunde Ogala among many others.
They are gathered in their evil coven concocting horrible designs against men and clubs of good will. They will fail and they will fail miserably. They plan against me and my friends but they will gnash their teeth.
To escape their blood thirsty coup plot against me and my club, I have fled temporarily to Liechtenstein, from which I will proceed to Azerbaijan to structure an arms deal to buy long range nuclear warheads and new state of the art cannons for Arsenal Club which ancient guns have become rusty and incapable of shooting red hot cannons.
All my beloved supporters and blessed well wishers are hereby advised to stay calm. There is no cause for alarm. I will be back soon. The network here is not steady in Liechtenstein, so none should bother to call me, or email me or even post any response to this message.
I say, no thanks to all my frenemies listed above. May you all have a most miserable football season. I sign off.
Written By Ken Tadaferua